You may have noticed that, of late, Miley Cyrus cannot seem to keep her tongue in her mouth.

You may have also noticed something else, and it’s even more disturbing: Her tongue often appears to be white.  ”Can we just confirm that Miley’s not dying of rabies?” writes Katy Waldman. She consults first with the Mayo Clinic, which says white tongue can be caused by any number of things, from the dangerous (leukoplakia, which can be precancerous) to the bizarre-sounding (oral thrush) to the scandalous (syphilis) to the perhaps-most-likely (“excessive alcohol use”).